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The Muppets Annual Christmas Party Blast transcript
Prologue: Santa's workshop Music Playing In Background Harvey: "Hey, Albert, how's that dollhouse coming along?" Albert: "Looking good, Harvey." Henry: "We'd better hurry up right before our boss gets here." George: "That's right, we don't want those young kids to be disappointed." James: "You got it, our dear brother." Santa Claus shows up to see how good his elf helpers have been working. Santa Claus: "Well, my elf helpers, nice job on the toy designs, it's coming along quite nicely." Henry: "Thanks, boss." Santa Claus: "No problem, now let's all hurry this along, 'cause there's 24 days 'til Christmas Eve." James: "Everybody else must be very excited." Marty: "Decorating the Christmas trees, and hanging up the Christmas wreaths." George: "I love the smell of gingerbread people in the evening." Santa Claus: "I couldn't agree with you more." Disney productions presents: The Muppets Annual Christmas Party Blast Directed by James Bobin Produced by David Hoberman and Todd Lieberman Screenplay by Nicholas Stoller Starring Ben Stiller Jack Black Angela Lansbury Bailee Madison Zach Galifianakis Drew Barrymore Jim Parsons Dakota Fanning Robert De Niro Elijah Wood Danny DeVito David DeLuise William Shatner Whoopi Goldberg Josh Hutcherson Kevin Spacey Denis Leary Jane Lynch Jonah Hill and Johnny Galecki Music by Christophe Beck Cinematography by Don Burgess Edited by James Thomas Scene 1: The Muppet family boarding house Walter is sitting right at the breakfast table, having breakfast with everybody else. Ringing Kermit: "I wonder who that could be." Walter: "I don't know, Kermit, I'd better walk over to that door and find out." Walter gets up from his seat at the breakfast table, then walks around. Walter: [Whistling Muppets Tonight Theme Intro] Walter goes over to the door, answers it, and sees Postman Jake standing by. Walter: "Hey, Postman Jake, it's always good to see you in the morning time." Postman Jake: "It's good to see you, Walter, I've got a letter that's addressed to you, here it is." Postman Jake gives Walter the letter that's addressed to him. Walter: "Wow, thanks, Postman Jake." Postman Jake: "You're quite welcome, have a good winter vacation." Walter: "Okay, you too." Walter walks right back over to the breakfast table. Floyd: "Don't just stand there, man, open that envelope." Walter opens the envelope. Scooter: "What does the letter say?" Lips: "Tell us, Walter." Clifford: "Yeah, go ahead and read it to all of us." Walter: "I'll read to all of you what it says." Walter: Throat Dear, Walter, Kermit and Muppet friends, I'm inviting all of you to stay overnight at my house for a super fun Christmas party, be sure to be there at 2:39 PM. Sincerely, Melanie. Fozzie: "Wow, super incredible." Robin: "I remember being invited to a Christmas party, it was fun and exciting." Scooter: "Well, come on, everybody, let's not just stand here, let's entertain ourselves." Gonzo: "Good idea, Scooter." Rowlf: [Playing Here We come A Caroling On Piano] All 15 Muppet friends: Here we come a caroling, among the leaves so green here we come a wand'ring, so fair to be seen love and joy, come to you, and a merry Christmas too so we send you and wish you a happy new year and we send you a happy new year Kermit: we are not daily beggars that beg from door to door but we are neighbors' children who you have seen before All 15 Muppet friends: love and joy come to you, and a merry Christmas too so we send you and wish you a happy new year and we send you a happy new year Miss Piggy: but master and mistress as you sit by the fire Fozzie: think of us poor children who wander in the mire All 15 Muppet friends: love and joy come to you, and a merry Christmas too so we send you and wish you a happy new year and we send you a happy new year Gonzo: so bless the master of this house likewise the mistress too Scooter: and all the little children that round table, go All 15 Muppet friends: love and joy come to you and a merry Christmas too so we send you and wish you a happy new year and we send you a happy new year………… Kermit: "That's wonderful, you guys, let's do some other 1s." [Jingle Bell Rock Playing] Electric Mayhem Band members: Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock, jingle bells swing and jingle bells ring Dr. Teeth: snowin' and blowin' up bushels of fun Janice: now the jingle hop has begun Electric Mayhem band members: jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock, '''''jingle bells chime in jingle bell time Floyd: Dancin' and prancin' in Jingle Bell Square in the frosty air Janice: what a bright time, it's the right time to rock the night away Floyd: jingle bell time is a swell time to go glidin' in a 1 horse sleigh Dr. Teeth: giddy-up jingle horse, pick up your feet jingle around the clock mix and a-mingle in the jinglin' beat That's the jingle bell rock, yeah Electric Mayhem band members: jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock Jingle bells swing and jingle bells ring snowin' and blowin' up bushels of fun now, the jingle hop has begun Floyd: jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell twist Jingle bells chime in jingle bell time Dr. Teeth: dancin' and prancin' in Jingle Bell Square in the frosty air Janice: what a bright time, it's the right time to rock the night away jingle bell time is a swell time to go glidin' in a 1 horse sleigh Floyd: giddy-up, jingle horse, kick up your feet jingle around the clock mix and a-mingle in the jinglin' feet that's the jingle bell, that's the jingle bell, that's the jingle bell rock Rizzo: "Well, we sure know dere's 24 days left 'til Christmas Eve, so we'd betta prepare ourselves, we don't wanna be late fo' de annual Christmas party, we'd gotta be dere at 2:39 PM." Rowlf: "Well, we'd better begin packing for the stay overnight and Christmas party." Playing In Background Everybody else is packing all of their belongings. Rowlf: Ding dong merrily on high, in heaven the bells are ringin' ding dong verily the sky is riven with angel singin' All 15 Muppet friends: glooooria, Hosanna in excelsis even so here below, below, let steeple bells be swungen, and "Io, io, io by priest and people sungen Gloooooria, Hosanna in excelsis pray you, dutifully prime your matin' chime, ye ringers may you beautifully rhyme your eve time song, ye singers Glooooria, Hosanna in excelsis Kermit: "Alright, gang, we're all done packing, it's 1:03 PM right now, so let's all get on the bus." The Muppet friends all head out to get on the Electric Mayhem bus. Lew Zealand: "Wow, I'm so excited that I can't wait to see what they're gonna have at the Christmas party when we arrive there." Mildred Huxtetter: "Me neither." Walter: "I wonder what they're gonna have for lunch there." Dr. Teeth, who's driving the Electric Mayhem bus, continues going across the entire city streets. Fade to a black screen..... Walter: "Don't go away, The Muppets Annual Christmas Party Blast, will be right back, right after these commercial breaks." Commercial Break # 1 Commercial Break # 2 End of commercial breaks Kermit: "And now, back to The Muppets Annual Christmas Party Blast, right here, on ABC Family." Fade to another black screen..... Scene 2: The Jefferson's house Kermit, Walter and the other Muppet friends go up to the Jefferson's front door. Ringing Melanie: (from inside their house) "I'll get it, I'll get it." Melanie rushes over to the front door, then opens it, and sees the Muppet friends, who are standing by. Kermit: "Oh hi there, I'm Kermit the Frog, and this is Miss Piggy, Fozzie, Gonzo, Walter, Scooter, Janice, Rowlf, Dr. Teeth, Floyd, Zoot, Animal, Walter and the rest of my gang." Melanie: "It's nice to meet you guys, come inside our house, you're welcome to stay overnight and have lunch here with all of us." The 15 Muppet friends go inside the Jefferson's house, and all the way to the dining room. Kermit: "Well, you guys, let's all sit back and enjoy our lunch meal." Swedish Chef: Deck zee hells, let's throo thees perty Singing Food: Fa la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la The 15 Muppet friends are now enjoying their lunch meal. Mr. Jefferson: "So, Scooter, what could you hear on Christmas Eve?" Scooter: "Well, I can almost hear a lot of sleigh bells approaching." Rowlf: "Hey, that gives me an idea." Rowlf: [Playing Sleigh Ride On Piano] Rowlf: "Oh boy, I sure do like this beautiful piano." Scooter: Just hear those sleigh bells jinglin' ring ting tinglin' too come on, it's lovely weather for a sleigh ride together with you Fozzie: outside the snow is fallin' and friends are callin' 'Yoo-hoo!' come on, it's lovely weather for a sleigh ride together with you All 14 Muppet friends: giddy up, giddy up, giddy up, let's go Scooter: let's look at the show we're ridin' in a wonderland of snow All 14 Muppet friends: giddy up, giddy up, giddy up, Gonzo: it's grand, just holdin' your hand All 15 Muppet friends: we're ridin' along with a song of a wintry fairy land Rizzo: our cheeks are nice and rosy, and comfy cozy are we, we're snuggled up togeder like 2 birds of a feada' would be, Rowlf: let's take that road before us, and sing a chorus or 2, come on, it's lovely weather for a sleigh ride together with you Miss Piggy: there's a birthday party at the home of Farmer Gray, it'll be the perfect ending of a perfect day, Dr. Strangepork: we'll be singin' the songs we love to sing without a single stop, Sam: at the fireplace while we watch the chestnuts pop Floyd: there's a happy feelin' nothin' in the world can buy, Dr. Teeth: when they pass around the coffee and the pumpkin pie, it'll nearly be like a picture print by Currier and Ives, All 15 Muppet friends: these wonderful things are the things we remember all through our lives Rowlf: just hear those sleigh bells jinglin', ring ting tinglin’ too, come on, it's lovely weather for a sleigh ride together with you, Scooter: outside the snow is fallin' and friends are callin' 'Yoo hoo!' come on, it’s lovely weather for a sleigh ride together with you, sleigh ride together with you, sleigh ride together with you, sleigh ride with you………….. Robin: "The 1 thing I like about Christmas Eve and Christmas morning, is thinking about staying home for the holiday traditions." Playing In Background Robin: I'll be home for Christmas you can count on me please have snow and mistletoe and presents on the tree Christmas Eve will find you With a love like me I'll be home for Christmas if only in my dreams Christmas Eve will find me with a love like me I'll be home for Christmas if only in my dreams if only in my dreams Television Announcer: "We interrupt this program for a Muppet News Flash report." The Newsman: "This just in, 2 evil criminals, Constantine and Miss Poogy, have struck again, this time, they're out stealing Christmas ornament boxes!" Kermit: "Good grief!" All Towns People: "Stop that evil frog and evil pig!" Walter: "This is terrible, we've gotta do something about it!" Gonzo: "Well, what can we do around here?" Fozzie: "I have an idea, let's all sing a real good song to pass the time." Melanie: "That's a great idea, Fozzie, let's do it right now." [You're A Mean 1, Constantine Playing In Background] Kermit: You're a mean 1, Constantine you really are a heel you're as cuddly as a cactus, and as charming as an eel, Constantine Sam: you're a bad banana, with a greasy black peel Rowlf: you're a monster, Constantine your heart's an empty hole your brain is full of spiders you've got garlic in your soul, Constantine Miss Piggy: I wouldn't touch you with a 39 and 1/2 foot pole Scooter: You're a vile 1, Constantine you have termites in your smile Melanie: you have all the tender sweetness of a seasick crocodile, Constantine Dr. Teeth: given the choice between the 2 of you, I'd take the seasick crocodile Floyd: you're a foul 1, Constantine, you're a nasty, wasty skunk Janice: Your heart is full of unwashed socks, your soul is full of gunk, Constantine Walter: the 3 words that best describe you are as follows, and we quote, "stink, stank, stunk!" Fozzie: You're a rotter, Constantine, you're the king of sinful sots Scooter: your heart's a dead tomato, splotched with moldy, purple spots, Constantine Sam: your soul is an apalling dump-heap, overflowing with the most disgraceful assortment of deplorable rubbish imaginable, mangled-up in tangled-up knots Robin: you nauseate me, Constantine, with a nauseous super naus Walter: you're a crooked jerky jockey, and you drive a crooked hoss, Constantine Dr. Strangepork: you're a 3 decker sauerkraut and toadstool sandwich, with arsenic sauce..... Fades Away Kermit: "Come on, everybody, let's go out there and catch Constantine and Miss Poogy!" The 15 Muppet friends go on their mission to catch Constantine and Miss Poogy. Scene 4: The downtown city streets Rizzo: "Oh, it gets me all riled up when it comes down to stealin' on de Christmas holidays!" Walter: "Hey, maybe we can try to locate them and stop them." Kermit: "Great idea, Walter, but right now, let's go inside and relax in the Dom DeLuise Memorial Soda-Ice Cream Bar." The 15 Muppet friends go inside to relax in the Dom DeLuise Memorial Soda-Ice Cream Bar. Kermit: "Well, it sure is nice and relaxing, but at least Constantine and Miss Poogy are not going after any of us." Hector shows up at the counter....... Hector: "Hello and welcome to the Dom DeLuise Memorial Soda-Ice Cream Bar, how can I help all of you here?" Kermit: "Oh, just some light chocolate cocoa for here, please." Hector: "Alright, it's coming right up." Hector goes off to get the light chocolate cocoa in a jiffy. Scooter: "Hey, you guys, while we're waiting for our order, let's think about how we can stop Constantine and Miss Poogy from robbing the Robin Williams Memorial Gift Shop. Everybody else begins pondering and thinking for just 1 minute. Rowlf: "Hey, I got it, we can sneak up on them, call the police department and stop them in their tracks." Rizzo: "Dat's a great idea, Rowlf, we can be da Mighty Rescue Heroes!" Hector arrives with their order. Hector: "Here you go, just like you've always wanted." Gonzo: "Thanks, just leave the tip." Hector: "And by the way, have a wonderful winter vacation." Dr. Teeth: "Thanks, you too, Hector." Hector goes off to serve some more customers. The 15 Muppet friends enjoy their refreshments and have a nice time with 1 another. Later, they're all walking around and they spy on Constantine and Miss Poogy, who are about to enter the Robin Williams Memorial Gift Shop. Kermit: "Look, there they are." Pepe: "What do we do?" Fozzie: "Well, we tip-toe silently into the gift shop, then we sneak up on them, call the police department and stop them in their tracks." Walter: "Alright, I'll lead the way, follow me, everybody." The 14 Muppet friends follow Walter and they tip-toe silently into the Robin Williams Memorial Gift Shop. Constantine and Miss Poogy are stealing a few music boxes. Constantine: "There, that's the last of them." Miss Poogy: "It doesn't get any better than this 1." Kermit: (off screen) "Not so fast, you 2!" Constantine: "Well look who just arrived." Miss Poogy: "Just some pathetic jokers we've been waiting for." Miss Piggy: "Watch who you're calling pathetic jokers!" Rizzo: "Yeah right, and you 2 ain't gettin' away wid it!" Constantine: "Oh yeah? well, what are you gonna do about it?" Sam: "We're gonna call the police department and make sure that you 2 are arrested for good!" Miss Poogy: "The police department? oh, we're so terrified, what do you think might happen next?" Kermit dials 9-1-1 on his cell phone. [Cell Phone Ringtone: Together Again] 1 of the 2 police guards, Officer Johnson on the other hand, answers his own cell phone. Officer Johnson: (on his own cell phone) "Hello? yes, how can we be of assistance?" Kermit: (on his cell phone) "Officers, it's a great big emergency, Constantine and Miss Poogy are robbing the Robin Williams Memorial Gift Shop, you'd better get on over here right away!" Officer Johnson: (on his own cell phone) "Don't worry about it, we'll be on our way in a jiffy." Kermit: (on his cell phone) "Alright, thanks a bunch." Officer Johnson: (on his own cell phone) "No problem, we'll see you guys real soon." Kermit: (on his cell phone) "Okay, I'll see you officers real soon in person." Kermit hangs up his cell phone. Kermit: "Alright, you guys, they're coming and they're on their way here." Lew Zealand: "Oh thanks, what a relief." Car Siren Wailing Rizzo: "In fact, here dey come right now!" The police car pulls right up in 1 of the parking areas. Officer Johnson and Officer Swanson enter the Robin Williams Memorial Gift Shop. Sam: (pointing at Constantine and Miss Poogy) "There they are, officers." Officer Johnson: "Constantine and Miss Poogy, you 2 are under arrest for robbing the Robin Williams Memorial Gift Shop!" Officer Swanson: "It's the jail house for the 2 of you this time!" Miss Piggy: (karate chopping Constantine and Miss Poogy) "Hi-Yah!" Officer Johnson and Officer Swanson put handcuffs on Constantine and Miss Poogy, and they drive them off to the jail house. Kermit: "Way to go, you guys, we've got rid of them, now let's go pay for this winter snowman music box." The 15 Muppet friends go over to the check-out counter to pay for the winter snowman music box. Lola: "Oh hi there, how can I help all of you here?" Kermit: "We'd like to buy this gift for Mrs. Jefferson, please." Lola: "Alright, that'll be $25.00, please." Kermit gives Lola $25.00. Lola: "Thanks, you guys, have a good winter vacation." Fozzie: "You too, ma'am." The 15 Muppet friends exit the Robin Williams Memorial Gift Shop. Scene 5: Back at the Jefferson Family's house Kermit puts the now wrapped Christmas gift in Mrs. Jefferson's closet for safe keeping. Kermit: "There, it'll be safe right in here." The 15 Muppet friends go back downstairs to play some super fun and thrilling Christmas party games and activities. Mrs. Jefferson: "Okay, everybody, let's all gather 'round for games and activities." Walter: "What kind of games and activities are we doing, Mrs. Jefferson?" Mrs. Jefferson: "Well, Walter, there's coloring and pasting, connect the stars, and especially Pin the Bow Tie on the Gingerbread Boy." Mr. Jefferson: "Melanie, can you tell all of us what we're gonna begin with?" Melanie: "Alright, well, we're gonna begin with a game called Pin the Bow Tie on the Gingerbread Boy, it's kind of like Pin the Tail on the Donkey, but it's a little different with a gingerbread boy design." Kermit: "Okay, now let's do it right now." They all take turns playing Pin the Bow Tie on the Gingerbread Boy. Melanie: "Here, Robin, you go 1st." Robin is wearing a blind fold on his eyes. Robin: "Oh boy, I've never played a game like this 1 before, but I'll give it a go." Robin begins figuring out where the blue bow tie goes. Robin: "Does the blue bow tie go here?" Robin puts the blue bow tie on the Gingerbread Boy, takes off the blind fold, then notices that the bow tie is on the right leg. Robin: "Whoops, that looks like the wrong spot." Robin gives Kermit the blind fold. Robin: "Here you go, Uncle Kermit, you're next." Kermit: "Now let's see where this goes." Kermit begins searching for a place to put the blue bow tie, places it right on the Gingerbread Boy, takes off the blind fold, then he notices that he put it right on the Gingerbread Boy's chest. Kermit: "Hey, that looks exactly like the right place for the Gingerbread Boy's bow tie." Dr. Teeth: "Alright, Kermit won the game!" Bean: "Now let's do some coloring and pasting activities." Everybody else is doing some coloring and pasting activities. Walter is playing connect the stars, which reveals a Christmas Tree Angel. Walter: "Hey, Melanie, what do you think about my Christmas Tree Angel drawing?" Melanie: "That looks wonderful, Walter, I like how you colored it in perfectly." Mr. Jefferson: "Alright, everybody, dinner's just about ready, so come and get it." Everybody else goes over to the dinner table and everybody else is being served, while the Muppet friends are having the vegetarian dinner dishes. Mrs. Jefferson: "Okay, everybody, right before we eat and drink, let's begin with an evening praise, you begin, Clifford." Clifford: "Dear God, we thank you for this lovely winter vacation dinner meal, the precious hands and all of our good friends and family members, amen." Melanie, Mr. and Mrs. Jefferson and Muppet friends: "Amen." Mr. Jefferson: "Very good, Clifford, now we can enjoy our dinner meal." Everybody else enjoys their dinner meal and has a real good conversation with 1 another. Gonzo: "So, Melanie, what do you think you're getting for Christmas this year?" Melanie: "Well, Gonzo, I'm getting the Pigs in Space Swine Trek playset this year, and I put it on my Christmas wish list." Gonzo: "That sounds thrilling, that must be 1 of the exact same toy designs made by the Palisades toy company." Later, right after everybody else finishes their dinner and dessert meals, Melanie, Mr. and Mrs. Jefferson are now asleep in their beds, while Kermit, Walter and the Muppet friends are now asleep in their sleeping bags. The very next morning is now Christmas Eve, and everybody else is having a real good Christmas Eve breakfast with 1 another. Kermit: "Alright, you guys, right after breakfast, we can do a super fun thrilled Christmas Eve sing along party." Fozzie: "What a thrilling idea." Scooter: "In fact, let's do it right now." Rowlf goes right back over to the piano. Rowlf: [Playing The 12 Days of Christmas on Piano] Walter: On the 1st day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, a partridge in a pear tree Kermit: on the 2nd day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, 2 turtle doves Walter: and a partridge in a pear tree Gonzo: on the 3rd day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, 3 French Hens Kermit: 2 turtle doves Walter: and a partridge in a pear tree Robin: on the 4th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, 4 calling birds Gonzo: 3 French Hens Kermit: 2 turtle doves Walter: and a partridge in a pear tree Miss Piggy: on the 5th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, 5 golden rings Robin: 4 calling birds Gonzo: 3 French Hens Kermit: 2 turtle doves Walter: and a partridge in a pear tree Fozzie: on the 6th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, 6 geese a layin' Miss Piggy: 5 golden rings Robin: 4 calling birds Gonzo: 3 French Hens Kermit: 2 turtle doves Walter: and a partridge in a pear tree Rowlf: on the 7th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, 7 swans a swimmin' Fozzie: 6 geese a layin' Miss Piggy: 5 golden rings Robin: 4 calling birds Gonzo: 3 French Hens Kermit: 2 turtle doves Walter: and a partridge in a pear tree Swedish Chef: on zee ieeght dey ooff Chreestmes, my trooe-a lufe-a gefe-a tu me-a, ieeght meeeds a meelkin' Rowlf: 7 swans a swimmin' Fozzie: 6 geese a layin' Miss Piggy: 5 golden rings Robin: 4 calling birds Gonzo: 3 French Hens Kermit: 2 turtle doves Walter: and a partridge in a pear tree Scooter: on the 9th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, 9 ladies dancin' Swedish Chef: ieeght meeeds a meelkin' Rowlf: 7 swans a swimmin' Fozzie: 6 geese a layin' Miss Piggy: 5 golden rings Robin: 4 calling birds Gonzo: 3 French Hens Kermit: 2 turtle doves Walter: and a partridge in a pear tree Link Hogthrob: on the 10th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, 10 lords a leapin' Scooter: 9 ladies dancin' Swedish Chef: ieeght meeeds a meelkin' Rowlf: 7 swans a swimmin' Fozzie: 6 geese a layin' Miss Piggy: 5 golden rings Robin: 4 calling birds Gonzo: 3 French Hens Kermit: 2 turtle doves Walter: and a partridge in a pear tree Lew Zealand: on the 11th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, 11 pipers pipin' Link Hogthrob: 10 lords a leapin' Scooter: 9 ladies dancin' Swedish Chef: ieeght meeeds a meelkin' Rowlf: 7 swans a swimmin' Fozzie: 6 geese a layin' Miss Piggy: 5 golden rings Robin: 4 calling birds Gonzo: 3 French Hens Kermit: 2 turtle doves Walter: and a partridge in a pear tree Mildred Huxtetter: on the 12th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, 12 drummers drummin' Lew Zealand: 11 pipers pipin' Link Hogthrob: 10 lords a leapin' Scooter: 9 ladies dancin' Swedish Chef: ieeght meeeds a meelkin' Rowlf: 7 swans a swimmin' Fozzie: 6 geese a layin' Miss Piggy: 5 golden rings Robin: 4 calling birds Gonzo: 3 French Hens Kermit: 2 turtle doves Walter: and a partridge in a pear tree Rowlf: "Alright, very good, everbody, now let's go watch a Christmas movie on the big television screen." Everybody else goes over to watch The Muppets Christmas Carol on the big television screen. Charles Dickens (Gonzo): A moment later, Scrooge found himself in the city street looking at a building he had not seen in years. Ghost of Christmas Past: "Tell me, Ebenezer Scrooge, do you know this place?" Ebenezer Scrooge: "Know it? my 1st job was here, this is Fozziwig's old rubber chicken factory." Charles Dickens (Gonzo): "Once again, it was Christmas Eve, night was falling and the lamp lighters were plying their trade." Rizzo: "Hey! hey, hey, hey, hey, Hey, light the lamp, not the rat, light the lamp, Not the rat, what are you doing?!?" Charles Dickens (Gonzo): "Oops, my apologies." Rizzo: "Put me out, put me out, put me out, put me out, put me out, put me out!" Charles Dickens (Gonzo): "Rizzo!" Rizzo: "What?" Rizzo: (splashing in some ice cold water) AAAAAAAAAAAAH! Rizzo: Gurgling Sounds Rizzo: "Th-Th-Thank you." Charles Dickens (Gonzo): "You're welcome." Gonzo: "Wow, I did real good with that Charles Dickens character." Later, on the big television screen.... Walter: "Oh my gosh, I remember this scene." Ebenezer Scrooge: "It's so quiet, why is it so quiet, Spirit?" The Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come points right at a window. Emily Cratchit (Miss Piggy): Depressingly Belinda Cratchit: "Oh, Mother, you're crying again." Emily Cratchit (Miss Piggy): "Oh, um, no, it's just the lamplight that hurts my eyes." Ebenezer Scrooge: "Oh, not Tiny Tim." Emily Cratchit (Miss Piggy): "Th-There, there now, my eyes get weak in the...in the dim light, I would not want to show weak eyes to your father when he gets home for anything in the world, he...he should be back now." Peter Cratchit: "I think he's walked a little slower these past two evenings." Bob Cratchit (Kermit): "Hello. My dears." Peter Cratchit: "D-Daddy." 'Bob Cratchit (Kermit): "Oh, hello, girls, hello, Peter." 'Peter Cratchit: "Hello." ''Emily Cratchit (Miss Piggy): "Children, please...please go set the table, thank you''." ''Emily Cratchit (Miss Piggy): "How was the churchyard''?" ''Bob Cratchit (Kermit): "Oh. It'll be lovely, Emily, it would've done you good to see how green the place is, I...I picked a spot for Tim where he can see...it-It's a spot on the hill...and you can see the ducks on the river....Tiny Tim''." ''Emily (Miss Piggy): "Tiny Tim always loved...watching the ducks on the river''." ''Ebenezer Scrooge: "Oh, Spirit, must there be a Christmas...that brings this awful scene?how can they endure it''?" ''Bob Cratchit (Kermit): "It's alright, children, life is made up of meetings and partings,'' ''that is the way of it'', ''I am sure we shall never forget Tiny Tim''...or this first parting that there was among us." Melanie: "Now we really remember this scene in this film, it was just depressing, it was very tragic, but not depressing in the ending anyway." Rowlf: "Very depressing indeed." Rizzo: I rememba' when we shot dis scene in De Muppets Christmas Carol, it was real depressin' and terrifyin'." Gonzo: "You said it, Rizzo." Scooter: "Hey, you know what? I think we should all prepare for Christmas Eve dinner tonight." Cut to everybody else having a real good Christmas Eve dinner meal.......... Lew Zealand: "So, Melanie, guys, what's for the dessert special?" Melanie: "Well, Lew Zealand, for the dessert special, there's blueberry cheese cake in the refrigerator." Rowlf: "I hope it's not a Muppet cheese cake." Walter: "Don't worry about it, Rowlf, it's not." Bobo: Chuckling Everybody else enjoys their dinner meal, then their blueberry cheese cake dessert special, then they all get ready for bed. The very next morning is Christmas morning, and Melanie wakes up from her slumber. Melanie: Yawning "What time is it?" Melanie looks at today's date on her Muppets Most Wanted calendar. Melanie: "Oh my gosh, it's Christmas Morning!" Melanie gets outta her bed, walks right outta her bedroom to tell everybody else. Melanie: "Mom, Dad, everybody, wake up, it's Christmas Morning!" Everybody else comes right downstairs to open their Christmas gifts. Mrs. Jefferson: "Alright, Melanie, you sit over there right next to Scooter, Kermit, you're with Gonzo, Fozzie, you're with Rowlf, Walter, you're with Clifford, Robin, you're with Bean, Dr. Teeth, you're with Animal, Lew Zealand, you're with Pepe, Johnny, you're with Sal and Dr. Honeydew, you're with Beaker." Everybody else is seated in their proper positions. Mr. Jefferson: "Alright, this Christmas gift has Kermit's name on it, so, Kermit, here's yours." Mr. Jefferson gives Kermit his Christmas gift. Kermit: "Oh gee, I wonder what could be in it." Kermit opens his Christmas gift and finds a red flash light. Kermit: "Wow, a flash light, just what I need for next summer vacation's camping trip." Melanie: "Here's your Christmas gift, Fozzie." Melanie gives Fozzie his Christmas gift. Fozzie: "Why, thank you." Fozzie opens his Christmas gift and finds a joke book. Fozzie: "Oh boy, oh boy, a joke book, just what I've always wanted in my entire life!" Scooter: "And by the way, Mrs. Jefferson, here's a Christmas gift that we picked out for you on the night before Christmas Eve." Scooter gives Mrs. Jefferson her Christmas gift. Mrs. Jefferson: "Oh, thanks, Scooter, I'd better read what the inside of the Christmas card says." Mrs. Jefferson: (reading the inside of the Christmas card) To Mrs. Jefferson, Merry Christmas and happy holidays! from Kermit, Walter and all of your good friends. Mrs. Jefferson: "I wonder what's inside this box." Mrs. Jefferson opens her Christmas gift and finds the exact same winter snowman music box from before. Mrs. Jefferson: "Wow, a winter snowman music box, I've always wanted 1 of those things." Clifford: "I agree with all of you here, and it's the most wonderful winter holiday we've had in our entire lives." Zoot: "And I'm Jewish in my tradition, so I celebrate Hanukkah myself." Miss Piggy: "You know what, Kermit? I think you and I are having the most wonderful Christmas holiday of all times." Kermit: "Why thanks, Piggy, I'd never disagree with you." Ringing Melanie: "I'll get it, you guys stay right here." Melanie goes over to answer the front door, opens it and sees her grandparents, Janet and Jack along with her older cousin, Tiffany, standing by. Melanie: "Grandma Janet, Grandpa Jack, Tiffany, Merry Christmas and happy holidays to all of you here." Janet: "Why thanks, Melanie, we really appreciate what you said to all of us." Janet, Jack and Tiffany enter the Jefferson family's house. Mr. Jefferson: "Mom, Dad, Tiffany, it's so good to see you on Christmas Morning." Tiffany: "You know what, guys? it's a wonderful Family Christmas holiday tradition." Scooter: (looking out the living room window) "Hey, look, everybody, it's a snowy day outside!" Everybody else goes outside in their winter outfits. Walter: "Wow, it's almost like a winter wonderland." Rowlf: "That reminds me of that song, in fact, let's all sing it right now." Skeeter: "Okay, good idea, Rowlf." Playing In Background Miss Piggy: ''Sleigh bells ring, are you listenin', '''''in the lane, snow is glistenin' a beautiful sight, we're happy tonight walkin' in a winter wonderland Janice: Gone away is the bluebird, here to stay is a new bird he sings a love song, as we go along, walkin' in a winter wonderland Rowlf: in the meadow we can build a snowman, then pretend that he is Parson Brown he'll say: Are you married? we'll say: No man, but you can do the job when you're in town Fozzie: later on, we'll conspire, as we dream by the fire to face unafraid the plans that we've made walking in a winter wonderland Scooter: in the meadow we can build a snowman, and pretend that he's a circus clown we'll have lots of fun with Mr. Snowman, until the other kids knock him down Walter: When it snows, ain't it thrillin'? though your nose gets a chillin' we'll frolic and play, the Eskimo way, Walkin' in a winter wonderland walkin’ in a winter wonderland. Fade to a black screen...... The memorial dedication says Dedicated to the loving memories of John Henson (1965-2014), Oswald Morris (1915-2014), Lisa Simon (1951-2015), the other Ray Charles (1919-2015) and Stan Freberg (1926-2015). End Production Credits Directed by James Bobin Produced by David Hoberman and Todd Lieberman Screenplay by Nicholas Stoller Music by Christophe Beck Human Cast Members Ben Stiller as Postman Jake Jack Black as Henry Angela Lansbury as Janet Swanson John Cleese as Jack Swanson Bailee Madison as Melanie Jefferson Zach Galifianakis as Hector Drew Barrymore as Bethany Jefferson Jim Parsons as Harvey Dakota Fanning as Tiffany Lawson Robert De Niro as Dr. Johansson Elijah Wood as George Danny DeVito as Santa Claus David DeLuise as Marty William Shatner as Officer Johnson Whoopi Goldberg as Lola Josh Hutcherson as Howard Johnson Kevin Spacey as Larry Jefferson Denis Leary as Officer Swanson Jane Lynch as Gladys Stimpleton Jonah Hill as Albert Johnny Galecki as James Muppet Character Voice Performers Steve Whitmire as Kermit, Foo-Foo, Rizzo, Bean, Lips, Flash, Statler, Beaker, the Newsman and Link Hogthrob (voices) Eric Jacobson as Fozzie, Miss Piggy, Animal, Sam, George and and Marvin Suggs (voices) Dave Goelz as Gonzo, Beauregard, Waldorf, Bunsen, Zoot and Baby # 1 (voices) Matt Vogel as Robin, Crazy Harry, Floyd, Camilla, Sweetums, Dr. Strangepork, Lew Zealand, Uncle Deadly, Emily, Louis Kazagger, Baby # 3 and Constantine (voices) Bill Barretta as Pepe, the Swedish Chef, Rowlf, Dr. Teeth, Bobo, Behemoth, Doglion, Beautiful Day Monster, 1 of the Elvises, Big Mean Carl and Baby # 2 (voices) David Rudman as Scooter, Janice, Wayne, Bobby Benson,Mildred Huxtetter and Miss Poogy (voices) Peter Linz as Walter and Baby # 6 (voices) Alice Dinnean Vernon as Hilda, Afgahn Hound, Wanda and Baby # 4 (voices) Tyler Bunch as Thog, Blind Pew, Angelo, the Announcer and Baby # 5 (voices) Brian Henson as Sal and Dr. Van Neuter (voices)' ''Stephanie D'Abruzzo as Skeeter (voice) Ryan Dillon as Clifford, Mulch and Polly Lobster (voices) Category:Transcripts